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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194246">man in the mirror</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_hearted/pseuds/mother_hearted'>mother_hearted</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>you count up all my scars (crumble them into stars) [26]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Image, Clothing, Dimitri Week (Fire Emblem), M/M, Mental Health Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:34:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_hearted/pseuds/mother_hearted</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dimitri feels like a small child who doesn't even know how to play dress up.</p><p>(or: Dimitri makes a brave effort to see how he's changed.</p><p>for Dimitri Week 2020 12/22 prompt: delicate.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>you count up all my scars (crumble them into stars) [26]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>man in the mirror</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elaine flashes another patient smile at him and Dimitri wishes she would just snap and ignore his highborn status, ignore who his husband is, and tell him to get the hell out of her shop. In the face of his stiff words and lack of response her chipper facade hasn't slipped once. She's truly a good person and Dimitri feels like an abomination for putting her through this. Through him and his... curiosity.</p><p>Stubbornly kicking himself in the ass, he's standing in her shop to confront his own reflection in her mirror, wearing articles of clothing he has no business owning, much less trying on. He wants to blame her for suggesting these items. He wants to blame Claude too, for setting him on this path, reassuring Dimitri that the beautiful man he laid eyes on was the same man Dimitri confronted in his mirror image but under all his blustering bullshit, Dimitri only has himself to blame. The problem is when he looks into his mirror and doesn’t see his father’s hand resting on his shoulder anymore - he is alone and can’t distract himself from the fact he doesn’t know who he is.</p><p>What is he allowed to be? Allowed to do?</p><p>He's good at fighting. Heavy labor. Eating. </p><p>(The last thought is thought with pride.) </p><p>Is he allowed to be... (<i>pretty? beautiful? bewitching? sweet faced?</i>)</p><p>"Why don't we try another fabric?" Elaine brings him back to the present with the pop of her voice, her bangs flying when she turns back to her inventory to scavenge for another plan.</p><p>"That's not the problem." The problem inside him has been left steeping for too long, gone bitter and black, no amount of cream or sugar to lighten it. "I've taken up too much of your time today."</p><p>"Oh no, nope. My pride won't let a customer leave until they're satisfied. No one leaves my shop empty handed, even if all they leave with is a belt buckle, I'm getting us there."</p><p>Dimitri stares befuddled. "I understand my husband gives frequent patronage to your shop. My visit today will not change that."</p><p>She flaps her hand as if to sweep away his words. "This isn't our first time meeting, Your Highness. This is, however, your first time coming in alone. So why don't you tell me what you're actually here for and we'll go from there?"</p><p>Something new. Something not special but not practical, not for function, not for the battlefield. Dimitri feels like a small child who doesn't even know how to play dress up. "I don't know," he forces out, dreadfully awkward. </p><p>Elaine looks past it. Pins him in place with the sharp eyes of an archer and the image of her cocking a bow helps relax him. "Who are you here for?"</p><p>It's embarrassing but much easier to answer this question. "My husband."</p><p>She claps in satisfaction. "All right! Do you have an anniversary coming up? A birthday?"</p><p>"No, it's for nothing... special." He clears his throat. "Just... because?"</p><p>Elaine's sharp eyes return, fingers stroking her chin. She almost looks devious before spinning around on too agile feet. Diving into a corner Dimitri has never set foot in. "You are allowed to ask questions but no complaints!"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"My vision is grand and it will only succeed if you trust me," she ignores Dimitri in favor of pulling through several hangers. When she returns she's already puffed up and preening. She presents the hanger with a pair of dark pants first. "I have your measurements from last time so adjusting these will be no problem. They have laces in the waistline so you don't need a belt. This fabric here is for color only, a nice accessory to pop some color around your waist and separate the light and dark of the outfit." The purple and gold blemished wrap steals his attention while Elaine speaks. He's still looking at it when she holds up the top. </p><p>She's midway through explaining how well it breathes when Dimitri finally looks and realizes what it is. "That's a blouse."</p><p>Her raised brow prevents him from protesting further. "It's worn by some woman as an outer shirt but with the width of your shoulders and chest, you could wear it as a single item. As I said, it's lightweight and breathes like a dream. It doesn't have any buttons so there's no need to worry about additional maintenance. The neckline is -"</p><p>"Plunging." It's the kindest word Dimitri can muster. Voice tight and embarrassed at the thought of him <i>in it.</i> Baring a good portion of his chest and the top of his stomach... </p><p>"An outfit for a day on the estate! Or a trip to the coast, hm? You said you were here for your husband and I only set up my customers to succeed. Everything I've picked suits you, face and body."</p><p>"I find that hard to believe."</p><p>"Then you'd better get in that dressing room and find out. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."</p><p>Dimitri makes a face like he just sucked on a lemon. "Those are the words I hate hearing most in the world."</p><p>Elaine laughs. "Well, I have to have some fun because you've been no fun at all!"</p><p>Unable to hide his snort, he relents. "You're not wrong."</p><p>Elaine's eyes glitter. "Away with you, your Highness! You don't have to show me but I expect you to make an honest effort."</p><p>Being spoken to like there is no difference between them is a rarity he yearns for, and so Dimitri takes the hangers from her and finds himself obediently walking back into the dressing room. He waits until he hears her walk away to the front of her shop before he begins undressing. Shakes his head to whip both hair and hesitation out of his face. He avoids looking in the mirror as long as possible but there's only so much stalling he can justify to himself. His gut clenches anxiously when he finally turns and forces himself to look.</p><p>He blushes bright red in shock. Watches the blush visibly trail down to his collarbone and too much, it's too much, she's playing a cruel prank on him, and his eye squeezes shut. This doesn't look like him. This isn't him. It's too.</p><p>Too.</p><p>What?</p><p>Too many voices shout at him at once. He can't tell what's a phantom and what's him. Little boy. Lost child. Fool. What is this? Who do you think you are? Do you think he'll praise you? What are you getting worked up about? What's there to be brave about? To be scared about? What about all the nights with gunk and guts and blood streaked through your -</p><p>"Shut up," Dimitri hisses into his hands, clutched tight around his face. "Shut the fuck up."</p><p>The wave of crashing thoughts thin out like smoke in the air. Leaving Dimitri alone with his own harsh breathing. He's grown so weak. He wishes he wasn't alone. Wants to be with Claude and feel grounded. Claude. He's...</p><p>Dimitri is here to impress him. Surprise him. All because he ambushes Dimitri all the time. He's so confident. Emerald eyes twinkling at Dimitri with the satisfaction of a scheme well done. Dimitri knows Claude loves him. Has learned to believe in this truth. Has acknowledged he likes Dimitri's body, looking at it, touching it. Why Dimitri is making this troublesome effort in the first place.</p><p>With a scowl he faces his reflection again. Overwhelmed by the image of the man who meets him. Does this... really flatter him? Isn't it. Too.</p><p>He pushes the square shaped thought through the hole in his mind. </p><p>- sexy?</p><p>Who is he kidding? </p><p>As if.</p><p>Ugh.</p><p>He scrubs at his face and rubs at the back of his neck. All this skin... Even just something around his neck would make him feel more covered... but his collar's too obvious. </p><p>"...ah, I guess this is coming home with me." If he's thinking like that. He starts to undo the fabric along his waist. Flustering himself when he remembers what became of the last shirt he bought here. The confidence he'd displayed wearing it in Claude's office that night. That was different. He and Claude were already involved with something and Claude was <i>looking</i> at him like he couldn't muster an intelligent thought in his head - fuck, it was lovely. </p><p>Back in the clothes he arrived in, Dimitri tries to keep his face and tone neutral when he says he'll take it all. Knowing it will sit hidden in his closet until he can revisit it, he's at least gone back and forth too many times to leave it here. </p><p>Elaine is too thrilled with herself as she rings everything up, happily scrawling in her ledger until Dimitri blurts out, "Do you sell chokers by any chance?" and quietly wants to die.</p><p>She clasps her hands and her eyes dart, making a quick assessment and the next thing Dimitri knows she's dropping the choker in its own small bag. Dimitri doesn't recall much after that. Going through the motions mechanically by the time he's walked back to the Riegan estate. His bags end up shoved into the backside of his closet and Dimitri leaves them for now. </p><p>He'll. </p><p>Come back to them.</p><p>Maybe.</p><p>They're here. It's enough that they're here. </p><p>He turns to go to the fields skirting the property to train and give his aching mind some peace.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Originally written in February of this year, I wanted to clean it up and show another snippet of Dimitri's self-care journey in my Almyran Husbands Au verse. I've written a lot about how he starts, and I love all the bumps and hiccups, and how slow it can be to start - but powerful, nonetheless.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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